Bombs Away: 10 2011 box office duds

Summer is the season of box office hits, but here (with credit to The Hollywood Reporter for the numbers) is a look at 10 movies that didn't come close to qualifying for that title.

Mars Needs Moms
Wow. How could so few people turn out for a movie based on a book by Bloom County creator Berkeley Breathed? Robert Zemeckis' movie isn't just the biggest bomb of this year, but after pulling in about $39 million worldwide and costing at least $150 million to make, it's easily one of the biggest box office disasters of all time, and thankfully will hopefully keep Zemeckis from laying his remake hands on the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine."


Your Highness
I pretty thoroughly enjoy a well-made raunchy comedy ("Bad Teacher," still in theaters, is a good example), but "Your Highness" certainly wasn't one of them. The stoner comedy that cost about $50 million to produce created very little buzz at all, taking in only $21.6 million domestically and a mere $3 million overseas.

Arthur
Only you can stop the '80s remake machine, and moviegoers certainly did their part with this dud starring Russell Brand, who I usually like quite a bit. The "comedy" took in $33 domestically and another $12.7 million overseas, giving it at least a slightly larger haul than its production budget of about $40 million.

Prom
Was there really a Disney movie this year that only took in $10 million at the domestic box office? If you didn't know it was something called "Prom," you're clearly far from alone. In relative terms, I suppose it's hard to really call this one a "bomb," since it only cost $8 million to make, but I guess in this case you get what you pay for.

Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer
The folks behind this potential kids movie tentpole were clearly hoping Judy Moody would follow this one up with perhaps a Not Forlorn Fall and then maybe a Not Woeful Winter (as some kids must know, the actual titles of these are probably much more clever than mine), but with the $20 million movie only taking in $13.4 million so far, Judy's movie calendar may have already run out.

Green Lantern
Have we finally reached the breaking point with super hero overload? There will be another test coming July 22 when "Captain America: The First Avenger" hits theaters, but with "Green Lantern," all signs point to yes, with the movie costing at least $200 million to produce and expected to rake in no more than $260 million or so worldwide. Not a disaster, though, and in fact, there's already plans for a sequel, so what do I know?

Priest
Finally, a vampire movie that no one wanted to see. The action movie starring Paul Bettany as a holy man who hunts down bloodsuckers cost about $60 million to produce, and took in a mere $29.1 million domestically, but caught up a bit overseas by taking in another $46 million.


Sucker Punch
Along with being a box office bomb, Zack Snyder's truly bizarre fantasy-revenge mess holds the double distinction of being both one of the movies I was most looking forward to for this year and also the single worst one I've seen so far in 2011, by a pretty wide margin. The flick, which cost about $82 million, took in just $36.3 million domestic and $53.4 million overseas, and to add insult to injury, didn't even open at No. 1, losing out to "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules" (and having seen them both, I can confirm that the Wimpy Kid turned in a much better movie.)

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil
The original "Hoodwinked!" was the very definition of a sleeper, taking in more than $100 million worldwide with little fanfare, but this sequel turned out to be pretty much the complete opposite, with a production budget of about $30 million and a domestic box office take of just $10 million or so, supplemented by a scant $3.6 million overseas.

The Beaver
No, this movie about a crazy Mel Gibson wasn't a documentary, and nor was it seen by just about anyone in the world. Costing $20 million to make, it made no box office impression at all, taking in less than $1 million domestic before disappearing. I'm no economics master, but I'm pretty sure that adds up to a disaster.

And I'll leave you with simply a brief preview of tonight's sure-to-be very funny episode of "Louie." Packaged with the extremely funny "Wilfred," FX has a great pair of comedies at a time when there is very little else on, so give them a chance if you haven't yet. Peace out.

Cannes lineup a sign of great things to come

Actually, before I get into any of that, there are two bits of very good news out there today, so let's get right to it.

First up, pretty easily the best coup that PBS' "American Masters" documentary series has pulled off so far: Two nights with Woody Allen, coming this fall. At least two hours on Woody's career, with his participation? Yeah, I'm definitely in.

And even better, one of my favorite books is being made into a movie this summer, and it's even being filmed right here in Georgia. If you've never read Warren St. John's "Outcasts United," I really can't recommend a piece of nonfiction much higher, even if you're not as big a soccer fan as I am.

The book tells the story of a team of mostly African refugee kids whose families, if they have one, have been relocated to Clarkston, Ga., a community very happy to take the government money that comes with them, but not always as keen for the new residents that come with it. It's just a great story about modern America, and it should make for a fantastic flick.

"Under the Tuscan Sun" (which I haven't seen) director Audrey Wells is the helmer for this, which is somehow being financed by Universal, even though it will of course star a group of unknown African kids. And who knows? If I finally get off my ass and answer one of the calls for extras that go out for all the movies filmed here (hey, we even had "Zombieland"!), you might even see me sitting in the stands watching one of the games. Definitely keep an eye on this one.

OK, on to the main event, before we wrap things up with a couple of great videos. The full lineup for the Cannes Film Festival has just come out, and as usual it features a lot of movies from directors I've never heard of and a few that stand out immediately.

The biggest player is Terrence Malick's "Tree of Life," starring one Brad Pitt, but Pedro Almodovar should also garner plenty of attention with "The Skin that I Inhabit," as should Lars Von Trier with "Melancholia," starring Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg. One other that stands out to me is "The Kid With a Bike," the latest creation from the Belgian Dardenne brothers, who made the simply sublime "L'Enfant" and "Le Fils," among other movies.

The Un Certain Regard category features Gus Van Sant's latest, "Restless," starring Mia Wasikowska. And the Out of Competition list has plenty of star power, with Jodie Foster's "The Beaver," starring that wacky Mel Gibson, "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" with Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz, and even "Kung Fu Panda 2: The Kaboom of Doom." Here's the complete list:

In competition:
* The Skin That I Inhabit – Pedro Almodovar
* L’Apollonide – Betrand Bonello
* Foot Note – Joseph Cedar
* Paterre – Alain Cavalier
* Once Upon A Time In Anatolia – Nuri Bilge Ceylan
* The Kid With The Bike – The Dardenne Brothers
* Le Havre – Aki Kaurismaki
* Hanezu no Tsuki – Naomi Kawase
* Sleeping Beauty – Julia Leigh
* Tree of LIfe – Terrence Malick
* La Source de Femmes – Radu Mihaileanu
* Polisse – Maïwenn Le Besco
* Harakiri – Takashi Miike
* We Have A Pope – Nanni Moretti
* Melancholia – Lars Von Trier
* This Must Be The Place – Paolo Sorrentino
* Drive – Nicholas Winding Refn
* We Need To Talk About Kevin – Lynne Ramsay

Un Certain Regard:
* Restless – Gus Van SantMartha Marcy May Marlene – Sean Durkin
* The Hunter – Bazur Bakuradze
* Halt auf freier Strecke – Andreas Dresen
* Skoonheid – Oliver Hermanus
* Hors Satan – Bruno Dumont
* Les Neiges du Kilimandjaro – Robert Guédiguian
* The Days He Arrives – Hong Sang-Soo
* Bonsai – Christian Jimenez
* Tatsumi – Erik Khoo
* En maintenant, on va ou? – Nadine Labaki
* Ariang – Kim Ki Duk
* Loverboy- Cătălin Mitulescu,
* Toomelah – Ivan Sen
* Yellow Sea – Na Hong-Jin,
* Miss Bala – Gerardo Naranjo,
* L’exercice de l’Etat – Pierre Schoeller,
* Oslo, August 31st Joachim Trier
* Travailler fatigue – Juliana Rojas, Marco Dutra

Out of Competition:
* The Beaver – Jodie Foster
* The Artist – Michel Hazanavicius
* Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – Rob Marshall
* La Conquete – Xavier Durringer
* Kung Fu Panda 2: The Kaboom Of Doom – Jennifer Yuh

Special Screenings:
* Labrador – Frederikke Aspock
* Le maître des forges de l’enfer – Rithy Panh
* Un documentaire sur Michel Petrucciani – Michael Radford
* Tous au Larzac – Christian Rouaud

OK, now as promised, on to the videos, starting with Peter Jackson's first production diary for "The Hobbit," and at 10 minutes it's a real treasure. With shooting about to begin, he offers a tour of some of the sets and introduces some of the cast. As great as the "Lord of the Rings" movies are, I've always had a very soft spot for "The Hobbit," both because it's just much more of a kids story and because I learned to play the pianos to those great songs from the animated flick. Enjoy the clip.



And to wrap things up today, just a silly little clip leftover from the most recent new episode of "Parks and Recreation," featuring Amy Poehler and Rashida Jones. If I'm not mistaken, all four of NBC's Thursday night comedies will be new tonight, with the beginning of Will Ferrell's short run on "The Office" a definite highlight. Enjoy, and have a perfectly passable Thursday. Peace out.

A new Christopher Guest movie? It's about friggin' time

Can anyone remember the last time Christopher Guest made one of his almost always entertaining mockumentaries? I would have guessed five years ago, and a quick glance at the rather disastrously "redesigned" (yes, I pretty much fear all change) IMDB confirms I was close ("For Your Consideration" in 2006 was his last - and not one of his best.)

Well now, according to Liz Smith at Women of the Web (hey, choose to believe it or not, but she has two of the stories I found interesting this morning, so credit where it's due), he's found a new subject to parody, and it sound just about perfect: the rather seriously idiosyncratic world of retro collectors.

I've never delved into that world, but I'm sure Guest, if this will indeed be his next target, will treat these endearing oddballs with his usual mix of mockery with a hint of respect. And according to Smith, the "Spinal Tap" core of Harry Shearer and Michael McKean are all already on board with the as-yet-untitled project, and they're writing roles with Guest regulars Michael Patrick Higgins, Parker Posey and even Jane Lynch in mind, though I'd be seriously impressed if they manage to snag her around her "Glee" schedule.

This could all be conjecture, of course, but it sounds so good that I'm choosing to believe it until I hear otherwise.

After that today, there's actually a lot of news about probably my three favorite young actresses out there, so after a short diversion about NBC's "Community," I'll get right on to that.

If you watched NBC's Thursday comedy block last night (except, I can only hope, "Outsourced," which my remote stopped on for a second during DVR breaks, and I could feel it cringing in my hand before I quickly moved on), I think you'll agree with me that "Community" has clearly now risen to the top of the pack. "The Office" is still funny, and "30 Rock" rebounded strong last year, but last night's "Community" premiere, from Chevy Chase's "White Man Says" Twitter account to the promise of evil Senor Chang out for revenge, was just nonstop laughs.

And the best joke of all just might have come in the first 10 seconds, when they show veryfunnyman Donald Glover waking up in his Spider-Man pajamas. Glover was lobbying for the role of Peter Parker in director Marc Webb's coming "reboot," and until now that would have been the only thing that would have possibly gotten me interested in this thoroughly unnecessary project.

The role eventually went to Andrew Garfield, which, once you've already fired Sam Raimi as director, just finished the meh for me. Now, however, he and Webb have interviewed Emma Stone and Mia Wasikowska for roles in the movie and, given that both Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson will appear in the new movie, those two, in that order, would be just about perfect, and perhaps even be enough to make me buy a ticket for this mess.

If you haven't seen Stone's "Easy A," do so this weekend, unless you somehow don't like to laugh. The story is too slight by half, but it's wickedly funny, and Stone truly shines in it.

And while we're on the subject of young actresses I always like to watch, just as Chloe Moretz is getting raves for "Let Me In," which I've now dropped all plans to avoid, she's now lined up what would have to be just about the perfect part.

I don't read comic books much any more, but I have read several issues of Dark Horse's "Emily the Strange," and they pretty much rule. The Goth teen who, with proper reason, loathes just about everything in the world except her talking cats, will make a great part for Moretz, who has now signed on for a live-action movie version based on the comic books.

OK, quick hits today, I know, but there's a lot out there, and not much time for me to get to it at all. Next up is a rumor that I'm sure is true, but I can only hope never comes to fruition.

According to Smith, again, Mel Gibson, who through no possible fault than his own is now pretty much an exile from the big screen, is apparently now lobbying hard to make a comeback on the small one, and in easily one of my favorite shows.

It seems that Gibson has been begging "Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner for a recurring role on the fifth (and I think probably final) season of the show, which would film in July. Take a second to think about that.

Now, I know the show deals in complicated characters, and thrives on that, but I really hope Weiner doesn't take the bait on this. It would just be the worst kind of stunt, and "Mad Men" certainly doesn't need that. Though apparently less than 2 million people are tuning in for this season, it has been possibly the show's best, and with Cooper's "She was an astronaut," offered easily the best line of this just-starting TV season. Just say no, Mr. Weiner.

OK, after that, I think I have time for a trio of clips, so here goes. First up, from Collider.com, for which I occasionally contribute, comes this collection of five clips from the upcoming David Fincher Facebook flick "The Social Network." Though I didn't really need any convincing to go see this when it finally comes out one week from today, I've gotten word from someone whose opinion I always trust, Jeremy Jirik, that this is indeed first-rate Fincher, so I'm definitely amped now. Enjoy the clips.



After that today, all I have left is a couple of trailers, starting with the first one I know of for "The King's Speech," which was the big winner at this year's Toronto International Film Festival, which will hopefully give it enough mojo to open very wide when it does so later this fall. The movie, directed by Tom Hooper (who made the seriously satisfying futbol flick "The Damned United" - rent that one already), "The King's Speech" tells the story of King George VI. After his brother abdicates, George ‘Bertie’ VI (Colin Firth) reluctantly assumes the throne. Plagued by a dreaded nervous stammer and considered unfit to be King, Bertie engages the help of an unorthodox speech therapist named Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). Helena Bonham Carter (of course) stars in this too, and it should be a treat. Enjoy the trailer.

And finally today, here's the trailer for a comedy that, until this morning, I had never heard of, but Bill Nighy is just one of those people I'll watch in just about anything. As you'll see from this trailer for "Wild Target," in this rather familiar story he plays an assassin who falls for the latest target he's supposed to take out, played by Emily Blunt. Rupert Grint of "Harry Potter" fame also makes an appearance, and I'm hoping against hope this somehow turns out to be a whole lot less conventional than the trailer makes it out to be. Enjoy, and have a great weekend. Peace out.

Peggy, this isn't China - there's no money in virginity: A salute to the women of "Mad Men"

Before we get into any of that, and the return of "Mad Men" is clearly the biggest and best thing happening this week, there is a bit of movie news out there, starting with the great Steve Coogan.

It's always kind of mystified me why Steve Coogan isn't a bigger star in the United States. I suppose it might have something to do with the fact that he's apparently more than a bit of a royal a**hole, but as someone who can be that way at least from time to time, I've never had much of a beef with that (Mel Gibson aside - that dude's just a psychopath.) Besides, when someone's as fall-down funny as he was in "Tristram Shandy" or simply great as he was in "24-Hour Party People," stardom surely should be coming.

Well, after years of being very good in small parts in flicks like "Night at the Museum," he's now about to get his shot at headlining a hopefully wide-release flick, and one based on something he's already done for the BBC. I've never seen "Cruise of the Gods," a 90-minute movie he starred in, but the premise sounds priceless: the two stars of a 1980s sci-fi series, one now a big star, one a has-been, are reunited on a cruise for fans of the show.

I'm laughing at that already, so bringing it to the big screen with a script from "Dinner for Schmucks" scribes David Guion and Michael Handleman sounds like nothing but a good idea to me. In the original (which I'm gonna have to hunt for on DVD), Coogan played the successful actor, with his "Tristram Shandy" foil, Rob Brydon, playing the other half of the duo, but I'd have to imagine that role will be recast. Definitely stay tuned for more on this ...

And in another bit of movie news about a director I really like, it seems that Zack Snyder has finally given in and hitched onto a sequel to "300" (not the best thing he could be doing, but that flick was fun enough, so why not?)

He's apparently been waiting on Frank Miller to finish his 6-part "300 prequel comic "Xerxes," which anyone who's seen "300" knows is of course about that big gay Persian dude. Well, the work has apparently met his standard, because Snyder and writing partner Kurt Johnstad started working on the script a week ago. Whether or not he will direct this is still an open question, but I'd have to imagine the eventual answer will be yes.

OK, before I got distracted by all that, it was supposed to be all about "Mad Men," today, so here goes. Anyone who watches the sublime show, which returns for its fourth season Sunday on AMC, knows that not only do the women give as good as they get, but often get the upper hand in terms of wit and style. Just in case you need some proof, or simply something to make you smile a bit this Thursday morning, here's a clip compiled by PopSugar that features some of the best ladies' barbs, and as usual Joan gets the best of all. Enjoy, and have a perfectly pleasant Thursday. Peace out.

Mel Gibson is clearly just an angry old man

Actually, I doubt anyone had any real doubts about that already, but the video proof is still worth watching simply to see just how little he's changed in the last five years or so.

But, before we get into any of that, there are at least a few other things out there that caught my eye, so here goes.

The two funniest people in Judd Apatow's "Funny People" were very easily Aziz Ansari and the RZA (and the latter's "my n****" joke about Michael Richards made me laugh out very loud.) And though he got scant on-screen time in that flick, Ansari went to great lengths to become his character, Randy, who tells dick jokes with such glee that they seem much funnier than they are. I'm really not describing that anywhere near as funny as it is, so here's a clip of him doing standup in character (and please, be warned, along with being extremely crude and juvenile, this is also certainly nothing you want to watch at work without headphones.)



Like I said, the character and the delivery are a lot funnier than the jokes themselves, but if you were to make a movie about Randy, I'd certainly watch that, and I'm apparently not the only one. Here, according to Mr. Ansari himself, is what Quentin Tarantino had to say about it:

Yeah! That was one of the coolest things. I was at some party and he showed up and yelled “RAAAAAAAANDY!” I couldn’t believe it. I talked to him for a bit about it. One of the three movies we’re doing with Judd is a Randy movie; we’re not sure what order we’ll do them in. People on the Internet were like, “a Randy movie would be terrible!” How do you know? You think we just said “Randy movie” and didn’t think about it at all? But Quentin Tarantino was like, “Man, a Randy movie, I would love to see that!” So I just want to send a mass e-mail to all those Internet people who thought a Randy movie would be terrible: “You know who thinks it would be a great idea? Quentin Tarantino.”

Actually, I wasn't aware of any Internet attention to this at all beyond my bizarre fixation on it, but I certainly think it's a great idea too. But what are those other two movies he's talking about? Well, they are apparently something called "Let's Do This," a road movie about guys working at a motivational-speaking company, and an "untitled astronaut movie" about "two disgraced astronauts who have to go back to space to clear their names," according to The Playlist.

No idea when or if any of these three would actually happen, but Aziz Ansari is one seriously funny guy (new "Parks and Recreation" tonight, huzzah!), so hopefully at least one of them gets going very soon.

OK, enough about that. Before we get to the main Mel event, I have a couple of other nuggets.

"Scrubs" has been so bad in what must be its 18th season that I have finally stopped watching, but I'll tune in to at least a few episodes of just about anything with Sarah Chalke in it, especially something that sounds this promising.

Chalke, who had a great guest run recently on "How I Met Your Mother," has signed on to star in a new ABC comedy "The Freshmen" from HIMYM executive producer Greg Malins and Arianna Huffington (yes, that Arianna Huffington.) The show will center on the friendship of three freshmen members of Congress - two men and a woman, Chalke - who live together in D.C.

A comedy about Congress, the most unpopular group in the country? An odd idea, but I'm still betting this will be funny whenever it hits the air.

And finally, before we get to Mel, anything people want to do to help the people of Haiti is great, but few things sound more fun than what Shane MacGowan has cooked up.

In what could I guess be described as a "We Are the Rest of the World" kind of thing, the Pogues leader has recruited Johnny Depp, Nick Cave, Chrissie Hynde, Primal Scream's Bobby Gillespie, Mick Jones of the Clash, Glen Matlock of the Sex Pistols and others to record a version of Screamin' Jay Hawkins "You Put a Spell on Me," with all proceeds going to Haiti relief.

I wish I could say I had a sample of it to share, but it hasn't been released yet. I do know that I'll certainly buy this when it's released later this month, both for the cause and because that much alcohol and debauchery in one room has to lead to something at least comically amazing.

And, speaking of alcohol, we're finally back to Mel Gibson. And before you play this, if you haven't seen it yet, please know that I enjoyed "Edge of Darkness" quite a bit. That, however, has nothing at all to do with the man, and if you play this interview with Chicago TV host Dean Richards until the very end (it's only 90 seconds or so long), you'll see that in terms of muzzling himself or not revealing his own inner a**hole, Gibson has learned absolutely nothing since his drunken tirade about Jews from a few years back. Enjoy, and have a perfectly pleasant Thursday. Peace out.