All I want for my birthday is ...

Two simple things really, but I'm really afraid neither of them are going to happen.

First, I'd really like "Terminator Salvation" to not suck, but the reviews from both critics and people who actually just like watching movies are starting to quickly pile it up in the negative. At least they bothered to release it a couple of days early so I can go see it after work today.

For me, "Terminator" isn't just an iconic franchise. It's also the first time I really understood as a kid that "Rated R" wasn't just for sleazy movies. Granted, seeing Salisbury, Md., native Linda Hamilton all kinds of naked when you're 14 years old is certainly a bonus, but it was also just seriously smart sci-fi that earned the violence side of its "R" with style and purpose.

I have a growing suspicion that McG - who I have no real beef with up to this point - is just gonna blow that all away, but here's hoping against hope that I'm wrong.

And secondly, an Orioles victory over the damn Yankees, I'm afraid, is even more of a lost cause. I was hoping Tuesday night would lead to our second defeat of C.C. Sabathia this season, but in the seventh inning the game went from 2-1 to 9-1 in favor of the Yanks in what seemed like five seconds. And the less that's said about last night's game the better.

Actually, what I really want for my birthday is to see Matt Weiters in an Orioles uniform now, and to bring a bunch of those young arms with him to replace the bums we have now. Gregg Zaun is hitting well below the Mendoza line, which even Peter Angelos must recognize isn't terribly good, so the future is now! Peace out.

"Terminate" this TV project immediately

I don't really like being in the business of telling people not to watch something, especially when I haven't seen it yet myself. It's just not my natural setting, I guess.

That said, I several times had to sit through a commercial Sunday night during Fox's Sunday night animated lineup, which was pretty darn funny. Just in case anyone out there has more of a life than me (which often isn't much of a challenge), I can tell you it was for Fox's simply craptastic take on the "Terminator" saga. I do hope I'm wrong about this, but it just gives me a really queasy feeling.

Which is a real shame, because being a devoted "Firefly"/"Serenity" fan, I wish nothing but the best for Summer Glau (which would be, of course, a revival of "Firefly" on the Sci-Fi Channel, but that keeps getting less and less likely.

So, what's my beef with this new "Terminator"? Well, besides that it's just thoroughly unnecessary, my animosity peaked Sunday night when I heard this rather unwitty exchange between whatever yarnhead is now playing John Connor and the Terminator played by Ms. Glau, as they're getting into a car:

Connor: I'll take shotgun.
Glau: I'll take 9-millimeter.

Now, if that's not enough to make all you Ahnold fans out there cringe, the terminator played by Ms. Glau is actually named Cameron. Believe me, I couldn't make this stuff up.

But why should I get so worked up about a silly TV show that doesn't even premiere until Jan. 13 on Fox? Well, the short answer is I probably shouldn't, but "The Terminator" series has always been close to my heart if for no better reason than Salisbury, Md., the tiny burg where I spent my entire childhood, is also the hometown of Linda Hamilton (and Frank Perdue the late chicken king, for that matter.) Besides, is it too much to ask that my favorite movie franchises not get watered down to pure garbage?

I know that, with the writers' strike ongoing, your choices will be limited this winter, but please, please, please don't watch this new "Terminator."

Good things to come

I had planned to offer an equally bitter comment about Will Smith's "I Am Legend," but seeing that it made $76.5 million this past weekend, the biggest December opening ever, just zapped all the energy out of me to do so.

I'll just say this: The key to my disappointment with "I Am Legend" is pretty much summed up in the movie by Smith's Robert Neville himself. Neville, along with supposedly searching for the cure to a virus he helped create but is somehow immune to, spends a lot of time listening to Bob Marley.

Now, I've got nothing at all against Mr. Marley, and am in fact listening to "Legend" right now (I'd have to imagine that the makers of this movie thought the coincidence in titles was rather clever.) But, back to my rather longwinded point. Of all the great Bob Marley tunes out there, Neville is fixated on "Three Little Birds," easily the most generic one of all.

To me, the movie "I Am Legend" exists in the same realm, a completely tired tale about a man-made virus (stop me if you've seen "28 Days Later" or any number of better movies on this subject) that manages to build very little interest at all before trotting out monsters that were swiped most directly from the end of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" but could come from any number of paint-by-numbers horror flicks. The best thing about "I Am Legend," in fact, was the two trailers that ran before it, one for "Iron Man" and a simply sensational look at "Dark Knight" (Heath's Joker is just gonna kick royal ass.)

And one more thing, while were on the subject. As cool as director Francis Lawrence's vision of post-apocalyptic New York is, I'd like to call for an immediate moratorium on blowing up my favorite city in the world on the big screen. I don't know why movie directors get such a thrill out of decimating NYC, but I'm just damn tired of seeing it. 'Nuff said.

But, enough bile for a Monday morning. For the first time in well, a very long time, there are actually three movies coming out this weekend that I want to see.

I'm thoroughly on board the Dewey Cox bandwagon, and am convinced that "Walk Hard" will be that rare spoof that manages to sustain its gag and be funny from start to finish. And, though I can definitely take or leave Tom Hanks, the teaming up of Mike Nichols and Aaron Sorkin for "Charlie Wilson's War" should also be pretty entertaining too.

The one I most want to see, however, is Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd." I'll find out tomorrow morning if this one is too bloody to open in my little corner of the world this weekend, which I fear may be the case but obviously hope won't be.

Three movies worth seeing? Now that's what I call a Christmas gift!

And, since anyone who sat through all that certainly deserves a reward, here's the trailer for "Leatherheads," the football flick starring George Clooney, John Krasinski and, I have the misfortune of telling you, Renee Zellweger. Enjoy, and have an entirely bearable Monday. Peace out.