Free Rip Torn

You know, that title really is apropos of absolutely nothing, but this morning I'm listening to the surprisingly good Lil Flip album "I Need Mine" (yes, really), and its perfectly pleasant morning listening except for the fact that every couple of minutes or so it's interrupted by the phrase "Free Z-Ro."

Now, I have to assume that's some kind of rapper who was in jail at the time, and I've decided to take up the cause and champion someone far too talented (but obviously just perfectly crazy enough) to be locked up: Rip Torn. I'm fairly certain I don't have any power in this area, but I just saw this morning that he pleaded not guilty to armed robbery (who among us hasn't wanted to rob a bank at some point in your life?), and could only think how great it would be to have him somehow come back to life on "30 Rock."

And yes, it's gonna be one of those kind of days around here. Sandwiched among the absurdities will be exactly one piece of serious news, about what sounds like an absolutely fabulous Errol Morris film, and it will all be wrapped up with the 160 best Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes (again, yes really.)

Where in the world would you start things off, however, than with this: The Coen brothers need a one-armed woman to complete filming on their version of "True Grit" (and being a huge fan both of theirs and of author Charles Portis, you can count me as thoroughly psyched for this one.)

If that proves anything, I guess, it's at least that the Coens have no time for CGI (thank God.) Here, courtesy of AICN, is the casting call they put out:

Paramount Pictures is seeking a WOMAN MISSING HER LEFT ARM to be a photo double in the film, TRUE GRIT, a new film by Joel & Ethan Coen.

Character description: Photo double for adult Mattie Ross: This woman must be MISSING HER LEFT ARM. Optimally, she would be around 5'8", 138 lbs, slender to medium build. However, we are open to various looks.

To submit: Please do so asap! Send photos, measurements & contact information to texascasting2010@gmail.com. Photos should be non-glamorous, simple snapshots (incl face and body. It's best to wear a tank top & shorts). Measurements should include height, weight, bust, waist & hips. Include age, phone numbers & place of residence. Approrpriate candidates may also call our office at 512-637-6775.

So, if you happen to be a one-armed woman who's reading this, this is truly your lucky day. Since I'm not one of those, the best thing I can take from that is the phrase "we are open to various looks" ... as long as, of course, you happen to be a one-armed woman. Priceless.

Before going from that to two things that are almost as crazy, why not class things up at least a bit with some Errol Morris news? Though the man has made many great documentaries, my favorites of his are "Mr. Death" (watch that immediately if you haven't seen it) and "Fog of War," movies which offer well-rounded, almost sympathetic portraits of seriously evil or f-ed up people. And it certainly sounds like that's exactly what he has for his new movie.

It seems he's just finished work on something to be called either "Tabloid" or "A Very Special Love Story." No matter what it ends up being titled, it should be just fascinating. The subject is Joyce McKinney, a former Miss Wyoming who, in the late 70s, abducted a Mormon missionary in England, chained him to a bed and forced him to have sex with her. From there, of course, it just gets weirder. After jumping bail, she was convicted in absentia (sp?) to one year in prison because, at the time, there were no laws on the books about raping men. She was later accused of stalking the same dude, and in 2008, took her dog to Korea to be cloned.

Not much to build a sympathetic character out of, I suppose, but I'm betting Morris will at least come very close to doing it. Definitely keep your eyes out for this one, which is rumored to be in the running for this year's Cannes Film Festival.

OK, there will be nothing else remotely serious today from here on out, I promise. Anyone who's been here before (and there may be a few of you) knows that I'm a solid backer of Anna Faris, both for her obvious feminine virtues but even moreso because she's just about the best comedienne out there today. For proof that she can be insanely funny in just about anything, look no further than Jody Hill's "Observe and Report," in which her memorable turn as a seriously bitchy counter girl was just about the only redeeming quality.

Well, she's about to put the "watch her in just about anything" idea to a real test by starring in a remake of "Private Benjamin." In the realm of unnecessary remakes, this is far from the worst offender (my vote there goes to "Let Me In," the upcoming English language remake of "Let the Right One In), and though it surely won't win her an Oscar like it did Goldie Hawn, I'm still betting it could be a hoot. And besides, since I've seen "House Bunny" (and actually enjoyed it more than a bit), the odds are pretty good I'll see this too.

And finally today (or at least before Ahnuld), in the category of a man's gotta eat, it seems that Malcolm D. Lee has signed on to direct "Fantasy Basketball Camp," to star one Lebron James. Take a second to digest just how bad that could be, and then please let me come to the defense of the other Mr. Lee (who, if I'm not mistaken, is indeed some kind of cousin to Spike.)

How many directors can you name who have made three movies that you either love or really like? Well with "Undercover Brother," "Roll Bounce" and "Soul Men," Malcolm D. Lee has in my book, so I'm more than a little willing to give him the benefit of the doubt (and yes, maybe even go see his Lebron James movie too.) If you haven't seen the Bow Wow roller skating flick (once again, yes really) "Roll Bounce" or "Soul Men," which paired the late, great Bernie Mac and Samuel L. Jackson, I highly recommend them both.

OK, how better than to wrap up all that absurdity than with the 160 best Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes? I can't imagine anyone will sit through the entire 10 minutes of this, but as far as time-wasters go, this one is pretty epicly good. My favorite part would have be the "bullshit" compendium, but there's obviously a lot of Ahnuld to choose from. Enjoy this clip courtesy of Pajiba.com, have a perfectly pain-free Wednesday, and, now and forever, free Rip Torn. Peace out.



P.S.: In honor of opening day coming Monday (finally!) enjoy this clip of Steve Wynn singing his simply fabulous tribute to Fernando Valenzuela. Play ball!

Demko's DVD shelf: The return of "W."

Actually, the best thing out there this morning was more about "The Rum Diary," which it looks more and more like will turn into an actual movie in 2010.

So far, we know that "Withnail and I" (watch that, already!) director Bruce Robinson is writing and directing the Hunter S. Thompson adaptation for Johnny Depp to star in as Thompson's alter ego at the time its set - Paul Kemp, a washed-up journalist in 1950s Puerto Rico. And now the movie is quickly assembling a first-rate supporting cast.

Just announced are Aaron Eckhart as a wealthy landowner competing with Depp for the affections of Amber Heard, and - even better- "The Visitor" star Richard Jenkins will play Depp's boss. Bring it on now!

Also out there is this morning is word that one of my favorite directors who I was fairly convinced might never work again is indeed staying in the game.

I think I was one of about seven people on the planet who really liked Noah Baumbach's "Margot at the Wedding." Dysfunctional and uncomfortable, sure, but to me at least also very entertaining.

Now it seems he's up to something along the same lines with another relationship dramedy titled "Greenberg," set to star Ben Stiller and now Greta Gerwig, an indie actress who I'd never heard of before. Details are scant so far except that it's set to begin shooting in March and be set in Los Angeles.

Even better, Baumbach might even soon direct a movie that won't make people want to hate just about everyone in it. He apparently reunited with Wes Anderson (remember him?) to co-write Anderson's animated take on Roald Dahl's "Fantastic Mr. Fox," now scheduled to come out in November. And he's also signed on to write and direct the "9/11 tale" "The Emperor's Children," based on the novel by Claire Messud.

But here today it was supposed to be all about DVDs, and from here on out it will be, because it's actually a week jam-packed with great stuff. Given the state of my economy and nearly everyone else's, I'm not recommending that anyone buy any of these, but they're (the three I've seen, anyway) well worth a rental.

"W."

I'm not sure anyone wants to see anymore of our recently past president, but Oliver Stone's flick is well worth checking out for both a fairly nuanced portrait of a man in over his head and a star-studded cast that pretty much completely shines. Josh Brolin makes W. a likable enough character while not shying away from his "cowboy" tendencies, and Elizabeth Banks, Stacy Keach, Jeffrey Wright and Richard Dreyfuss (as tricky Dick Cheney) in particular are great in supporting roles. The only weak link is Thandie Newton as Condoleezza Rice, who is just unwatchable (I'd like to give her a lifetime pass since "Flirting" still remains one of my all-time favorite movies, but she really is just truly horrible in this.)

"Miracle at St Anna"

If Spike Lee hadn't stepped in it so deep by getting in a verbal spat with Dirty Harry over the lack of black soldiers in Eastwood's World War II movies, he might have generated a bit more goodwill for his own flawed but still often fascinating effort. Like many of Spike's recent flicks, this tale of four Buffalo Soldiers who get trapped behind enemy lines in a Tuscan village is more than a bit of a sprawling mess, but it's beautifully shot in Italy and is full of little moments that make the flick still worth a rental.

"Soul Men"

Like most of the world I just snubbed the late Bernie Mac's final film - directed by Spike's cousin, Malcolm - during much of its theatrical run, and I'm still sorry I did. A silly movie in many ways, yes, but the tale of Mr. Mac and Sam the man Jackson as two aging soul stars reuniting for a comeback tour is also very funny, especially when the two of them really start to go at it. With "Undercover Brother," "Roll Bounce" and now this, the other Mr. Lee is starting to put together a small stable of movies that I really like.

OK, from here on out are movies I haven't seen, either because I never had the chance or simply missed my window of opportunity.

"Frozen River"

"Homicide" vet Melissa Leo has rather shockingly received a Best Actress Oscar nomination for her role in this drama about two women who get into the business of immigrant smuggling through an Indian reservation border crossing between New York and Quebec. This one was just ordered from Netflix and should be here when I get back from Ohio on Thursday, and I can't wait to see it.

"Blindness"

Fernando Meirelles' "City of God" remains as easily one of my favorite films, so I'm rather ashamed I didn't jump on this one during the ONE WEEK it played in my little corner of the world. Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo star in this flick about a world struck by a mysterious case of the titular "Blindness," based on the Nobel prize-winning novel by Jose Saramago.

"My Name Is Bruce"

I can't see any way this can be anything but extremely funny. B-movie king Bruce Campbell stars as himself and takes on Guan-di, the Chinese protector, who has been awakened by teenagers (these kids today!) in the small mining town of Gold Lick.

And with that, I'm off to Ohio to watch the Americans stomp the Mexicans in a World Cup qualifier (honestly, I really have nothing against Mexicans off the pitch, but on it they can will hopefully just suffer a slow and very humiliating defeat.) On a much more civil note, I'll leave you with a rather nifty video showing how they created the Rorschach mask that Jackie Earle Haley will soon don for "Watchmen." Peace out.

An open apology to the great Mr. Bernie Mac

Actually, the - potentially - greatest news I could find out there this morning is that Warner Bros. has finally given a release date, Oct. 16, 2009, to Spike Jonze's "Where the Wild Things Are." Of course, that says nothing about what the final movie will look like and doesn't mean Warner just won't move it back again, but there's still hope that my favorite story of childhood will make it to the big screen while I'm still drawing breath.

But the main subject here today is an apology to Bernie Mac, whose last movie, "Soul Men," I had snubbed until last weekend. As I'll explain, though, I don't really think it's entirely my fault.

This summer and into the fall has really been pretty solid for comedies, but I had avoided Mac, Samuel L. Jackson and director Malcolm Lee's "Soul Men" because of what has to be just about the worst marketing campaign of all time. Can you remember it? It pretty much scarred my brain for the rest of the year with two of the most tired jokes I've ever heard, one about what happens when poor Jennifer Coolidge removes her dentures (man, does she deserve better) and the other about what happens when Mr. Mac accidentally takes a viagra and gets into bed with Mr. Jackson.

So, you can understand why I've just said no since the movie opened in the first week of November, but this weekend was finally weak enough to make me just give in. I just couldn't bring myself to watch any remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still," and even with five of my very favorite actors (Luis Guzman, Elizabeth Pena, Alfred Molina, Melonie Diaz and Freddy Rodriguez) in "Nothing Like the Holidays," I also couldn't see taking in what looked like just the most predictable kind of holiday fare. However, neither could I see a fall weekend with no movies.

What it came down to was a choice between "Role Models" and "Soul Men," and my love for Bernie Mac swung me to the latter (how in the world either one is still in theaters remains a mystery, however) and I found there's a lot of good things just under the crude surface in the other Mr. Lee's flick.

If they had just told me (and perhaps I should have been able to figure it out on my own) that this was mostly a sweet buddy road movie in which Mr. Mac and Mr. Jackson drive cross country to reunite at the Apollo Theater as soul duo the Real Deal (and, even better, you get John Legend in a coffin, to boot), I would have been in from the start. Those two dudes are clearly friends and enjoy ribbing each other, and the road leads to very funny scenes like them performing in a country and western bar (complete with Mr. Jackson line dancing.) As a much less funny Adam Herschman says at one point, "They say motherf***er a lot, but they're real nice guys," and that - and support from the always welcome Sharon Leal - is where the flick gets most of its appeal.

Now, don't get me wrong. This is BY NO MEANS a great movie, but it is a really fun one, and well worth a rental when it hits that point (even if this is somehow still playing in a theater near you, too, I'd still wait for DVD.) And a further apology from me to Malcolm Lee, who is, yes, Spike Lee's cousin. He's certainly not making movies that look anything like Spike's, but he's still managed to make three flicks - "Soul Men," "Roll Bounce" and the silly but satisfying "Undercover Brother" - that I really like, so huzzah to that.

Like most of the world, I first found the late, great Bernie Mac in Spike's "Kings of Comedy," and to this day I still can't believe that it was this hilarious but very blue routine that really set up the premise for and landed him his mostly funny sitcom. After a tired couple of minutes of black-white comedy, in this clip he really launches into "his sister's kids" (the 2-year-old is "a shepherd of the devil"), so if you've never seen this watch it with your headphones on if at work and enjoy. And please accept my apology for snubbing your last movie so long, Mr. Mac. Rest in peace.