A visit to the "Moon" with Sam Rockwell

Is there really any chance that "Chuck" is on the cancellation bubble? Even if one of every four or five people in the world (or at least California) is a Fulcrum agent, it's still just about the funniest and smartest thing on TV now, so here's hoping the Hollywood Reporter story listing it as only 50-50 to return isn't the beginning of the end. ("Dollhouse" is on the list too, but even though that show has gotten remarkably better through the weeks, it wouldn't surprise me to see it end.)

The thing that would really kill me is that if "Chuck" does die, it will be at the hands of that dastardly Jay Leno (no, I'm not a fan), who is getting five hours of primetime space a week and taking it directly from both more and less worthy shows.

Oh well. I don't really have any power over that, so instead I'd like to talk about some things I saw at the Atlanta Film Festival 365, which is continuing through Saturday at the fabulous Landmark Midtown Art Cinema in, of course, Atlanta. For the schedule and how to get tickets for movies (including "500 Days of Summer" tomorrow night), click here.

I saw seven movies in three days (well, eight, but I paid for the first one, "Sin Nombre," because I was just dying to see that ... yes it's a disease), and I'd like to start today with Duncan Jones' "Moon," the one most likely to play anywhere near people who might read this site when it opens in limited release June 12.

First, I suppose, a bit about what it's about. Sam Rockwell (and you'll see A WHOLE LOT of him) stars as a man who lives alone on a remote lunar outpost where he harvests helium, which has become our primary energy source.

And before I get to the good stuff, of which there's quite a bit, a word about the movie's limitations is in order. First, the plot is simply wafer thin. You won't hear any more about it from me, but you'll probably figure it out extremely early, and if not it's revealed about halfway in anyway.

But like any great science fiction, which Duncan Jones' film almost manages to be, it's much more about the allegory than the principal story, and in that department it's the best example yet of capturing the "zeitgeist" (man, do I hate that word, so I apologize) of our troubled times. I'll just say that for anyone (like me) who toils in an industry in which uncertainly looms everyday, what the story by Jones and screenwriter Nathan Parker has to say about the expendability of human life will definitely hit home.

Now, I didn't bother to see "Castaway" because I was just certain I couldn't take that much Tom Hanks (and I've never had any regrets about missing it), so I really have nothing to compare to exactly how well Sam Rockwell carried this movie. As you can probably tell from the storyline, he's in just about every frame of this movie, with only brief interruptions from his wife via satellite and the input of his helpful station computer Gerty, voiced in comforting monotone by Kevin Spacey (and yes, it bothered me at first that this was a direct ripoff of Hal, but two thoughts: First, who the heck else was he supposed to talk to out there, and second, the way the computer plays into the story just gives it more power.)

But back to Mr. Rockwell. I've always liked him quite a bit, but worried that seeing that much of him would grow old pretty quickly. Wrong. As he slowly deteriorates both mentally and physically, I can guarantee you will be riveted, and his reaction to everything that happens is natural and believable in what turns into a pretty intense psychological profile.

The remote moonscape is also beautifully filmed and plays into the theme of isolation perfectly. And if you'll excuse me, I have to cut this off rather abruptly and get ready for work, so I'll leave you with just one more odd thought: Duncan Jones is the son of David Bowie. Hopefully that and the fact that this is being distributed by Sony Pictures Classics will get it a pretty wide run in June, because I certainly wouldn't mind seeing it again. Peace out.

Remake madness hits fever pitch

I had originally intended to list the 100 or so things I'd rather do with Elisha Cuthbert than torture and abuse her (like perhaps take her to a nice movie that's not about torture porn), but I'm afraid I'm just not feeling that ambitious. All I can do is once again say please, please, please don't go see "Captivity" this weekend!

Or I could bemoan the fact that Kevin Spacey is set to return as Lex Luthor in "Superman: Man of Steel." Really the only bad thing about Bryan Singer's "Superman Returns" was that he was more than a tad too worshipful (is that even a word?) of Richard Donner's work, with Lex being a big part of that. Even in this bad news, however, there's a silver lining: Singer will be doing both "Valkyrie" and "The Mayor of Castro Street," his Harvey Milk biopic, before getting to work on another Superman flick.

No, what really grated my cheese this morning is the news that they're actually gonna try and remake "Footloose." I'll give you all a second to ingest this madness before we proceed ...

This sickening project will star Zac Efron of "High School Musical" in the Kevin Bacon role, taking the six degrees of Kevin Bacon game to a whole new generation. The only thing that makes this even a little palatable, and I can't stress enough the word little, is that they're at least gonna transform it into a full-blown musical, like it was on Broadway.

What's it gonna take to end this madness? I think I've found the Earth-shattering, soul-dissolving event that just might bring us to the brink: Michael Bay's "The Birds." It's just a rumor at this point, but I'm sure Bay would love to see himself as Hitchcock (as another director who will be mentioned here shortly already did.) If he actually decided to try this, with the birds transformed into gigantic CGI critters, we finally might have the nerve to stand up and say enough is enough.

In the meantime, there is of course no end in sight. In honor of Mr. Efron and his co-conspirators, here are the five worst movie remakes I've ever seen. Please take into consideration that there are so many worthless remakes out there that it was hard to make the cut, and that I make it a rule to almost never see anything that has gone from a TV show to a movie. And please feel free to sound off with any that just make you vomit in your own mouth in the comments.

1. "Cape Fear"

Martin Scorsese has made very few bad movies, but this is certainly one of them (the only other ones I can think of off the top of my head were "Bringing Out the Dead" and "Gangs of New York," but neither of those are anywhere near as bad as "Cape Fear.") Robert De Niro following in the footsteps of Robert Mitchum? No thanks. He simply isn't scary at all, and so neither is this thoroughly craptastic flick.

2. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "Planet of the Apes"

OK, I'm gonna break the rules from the start by making this list have six titles, but Tim Burton deserves the double shot for these two felonies. The worst thing about his "Charlie" is that the first 20 minutes or so, before they enter the factory, are pure magic. Then Johnny Depp appears as some kind of vaguely menacing pedophile and the whole operation goes right into the toilet. As for "Planet of the Apes," he knew he couldn't top Charlton Heston's big moment on the beach, so what did he do? Just drop it completely. Pathetic.

3. "Point of No Return"

This one probably wouldn't make the list if Luc Besson's "Nikita" wasn't easily one of my favorite movies. The problem here, as with "Cape Fear," starts with the leading player, Bridget Fonda. In Besson's movie, Anne Parillaud was, as TLC put it best, crazysexycool. Fonda was sexy at least, but in this case one out of three definitely is bad.

4. "Psycho"

I (and the rest of the world) have piled so much abuse on poor Gus Van Sant for this one that it's just getting sad, so I'll keep it short: How can you have any suspense in a shot-for-shot remake of this masterpiece from the master of suspense? 'Nuff said.

5. "Poseidon"

Every time I think this summer at the movies kinda sucks (with a few very bright exceptions, of course), I just have to think back to last summer and how rotten I felt after watching this Wolfgang Petersen turd. Andre Braugher already had a firm grasp on the title of most criminally under- and misused actor in Hollywood, but Petersen really upped the stakes here by casting him as the ship's captain, giving him maybe two lines and then killing him in about five minutes. I'm sorry if that spoils anything for you, but if that somehow keeps you from seeing this disaster you should only be thanking me.

And, just in case you thought the end of all this madness just might be in sight, here's a little video proof you're wrong. The first clip of is of Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart in the upcoming "Get Smart" remake. From the trailer alone you can tell that the very funny Mr. Carell has already crossed the line into just parodying himself, and that's just sad.



Next up comes the trailer for "Hairspray." I'd be easier on this one if John Waters' original movie weren't one of my favorites. I've seen the Broadway musical too, and it is, in its own way, almost as good. So, why make a third version? Beats me. Christopher Walken should just be a delight to watch in this, but I smell a big fat Razzie in John Travolta's not-too-distant future. Enjoy, and have an entirely suck-free Wednesday.



P.S.: I'm beginning to get the strong suspicion that this post is itself a remake in that I rail against this subject quite a bit, but there is no bigger problem in the movie industry today, so please forgive me if I repeat myself.