Where's Bruce Lee when you need him?

If he were here, I'm sure he'd put an end to this madness quicker than you could say "this remake reeks."

There are surely better movies than "Enter the Dragon," but I'll challenge anyone to come up with one that's cooler.

This was supposed to be Bruce Lee's ticket to the big time, and it certainly would have been if he hadn't died during post-production. Rumor has it he had a big but uncredited role in writing and choreographing the fighting sequences in this, his first and only big Hollywood flick.

In it, of course, he's hired by the British government to infiltrate an underground fighting ring run inside an island fortress (of course!) It never gets much more complicated than that, but for anyone who loves kung fu, this flick simply contains some of the best fight scenes ever filmed. And without Mr. Lee, they will obviously be impossible to re-create, so why even bother?

Especially when it's obvious you can do a whole lot more. The "noir-style" remake to be called "Awaken the Dragon" (wow, even the name is creative) is to be written and directed by Kurt Sutter, who has made his name so far as the executive producer of "The Shield." Now, I don't watch "The Shield," and after watching the simply flawless "The Wire" I fear cop shows are spoiled for me from here on out, but surely with that on his record he can do a whole lot better than this for his breakthrough to the big screen.

And, worst of all if I have this right, the plot so far sounds like they've take just the shred of "Dragon" (and, of course, the name) and just perverted it completely. The lead will be an anglo (I assume, though maybe not) FBI agent who "pursues a rogue Shaolin monk in the bloody world of underground martial arts fight clubs." Excuse me while I take a short break to vomit.

If you want to watch a new movie about underground fight clubs (and, given the right one, I certainly would), I'd put my money instead behind what David Mamet's currently cooking up with Chiwetel Ejiofor as a mixed martial arts instructor who's lured into the world of competition. "Redbelt" is in post-production now, and even if it does also star Tim Allen, it's simply got to be tons better than whatever comes of this craptastic project.

So, you wanna be a rap movie star?

One of my former co-workers, entertainment writer Greg Fields, came up with a rather memorable lead when asked to write about a local "American Idol"-style competition that took place when Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken were in the real "Idol" finals.

I'm paraphrasing here a bit, but what he actually wrote, and what appeared in The Telegraph, was something very close to "Are you fat, black, sweaty or ambiguously gay? If so, Southern Idol is for you." Needless to say, the organizers of the event weren't amused, but I sure was, and it's the first thing that came to mind when I read this crazy story today.

It seems that Voletta Wallace, mother of the late and very great Notorious B.I.G., is taking part in the search for an unknown person to play her son in an upcoming Fox Searchlight movie to be directed by George Tillman of "Soul Food" fame.

So, if you're a black man of a certain build who thinks he can rap, this is indeed your shot at the (somewhat) big time. Beginning at 3 a.m. Sunday, anyone can submit an audition video to BiggieCasting.com.

On the serious side, Biggie was indeed a great M.C., and if I can make a suggestion of one black man who not only fits the build, but can also rap and actually act, how about David Banner? The best Southern rapper around was just about the only good thing in Craig Brewer's "Black Snake Moan" playing well, essentially himself. I'd probably just hand the role to him now, but it should be fun to watch all the silliness that unfolds until they come to any such decision.

Two faces of Haynes' Dylan

Iwatchstuff.com had these two new stills from Todd Haynes' upcoming Bob Dylan flick, "I'm Not There," which I'm holding out hope will have enough star power to make it even to my rather remote corner of the world when it finally opens in September.

In the flick, Dylan will be played by at least six people: Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Marcus Carl Franklin, Richard Gere, Heath Ledger and Ben Wishaw. As these photos show, some will have more luck in pulling it off than others. I'll buy Heath Ledger as a young Dylan, but Richard Gere just looks like he's been huffing in an alley for six days straight. Feel free to pile anymore hate on Mr. Gere, or add anything else that comes to mind.



And finally, just in case anyone's still thinking it really is possibly to re-create any Bruce Lee movie without, well, Bruce Lee, please enjoy this clip of him putting an enormous ass-whupping on Ohara (Robert Wall) from the one and only "Enter the Dragon." After all, what day, even a Friday, isn't just a little bit better with a little Bruce Lee? Peace out.