Opening today, the best movie almost no one in America will get to see

If you'll allow me to vent a little bit, easily one of my favorite books of all time, "The Damned Utd," has been made into a movie (with the final word stretched out to United), but I now find it's opening today, but not ANYWHERE near me.

I checked Access Atlanta just in case an hour drive would deliver it to me. Nope. I checked the movie release schedule to see if it's ever slated to play wider than L.A. and N.Y. As far as I can tell, nope. Sheesh.

If you've never heard of this book, I really can't recommend it highly enough, whether you are a soccer fan or not (and don't even get me started on just how we're getting screwed with Saturday's U.S.-Honduras World Cup qualifier.) The piece of historical fiction by David Peace gets inside the mind of football manager Brian Clough for the ill-fated 44 days he led Leeds United, a team he admits he hates even as he takes the helm.

Though the Clough family has taken issue with both the book and movie, Peace's work is a fascinating psychological portrait, and it keeps up a brisk pace as it jumps back and forth between Leeds and Clough's earlier triumph at Derby County. And just in case you're reading this and do happen to live in a place lucky enough to get this flick, here's a little more incentive: It stars Michael Sheen as the manic Mr. Clough and features a screenplay from Peter Morgan, writer of "The Queen" and other works.

For the rest of us, I suppose it's just "Couples Retreat," but I can't imagine there's any chance you'll catch me anywhere near that one. It's more than a little depressing that something that looks so stupid was written by Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau, making it, I suppose, their "follow-up"-of-sorts to "Swingers." Oh well. I'm sure they all had fun filming this in Bora Bora or wherever with Ralphie from "A Christmas Story," and as for me, I think I'll take the chance to catch up with Ricky Gervais' "The Invention of Lying" before it surely leaves theaters after this week.

And, since at least my Friday is a little better with a little "Damned United," here's a four-minute-or-so clip from the flick of Brian Clough's first day on the job at Leeds. Enjoy, and catch this if you can. Peace out.

Scab-free "Futurama" - plus two tantalizing trailers

Actually, there's at least a rumor out there today that's crazy enough I should really start out with it (and it's not the fact that Rob Marshall will be stepping in to direct "Pirates of the Caribbean 4," which I really couldn't care less about.)

It seems that, at least according to the Hollywood Reporter's Risky Biz blog, "500 Days of Summer" director Marc Webb may now be tapped to helm another big-screen take on "Jesus Christ Superstar." Take a second to digest that.

As for his first flick, which I saw a few weeks ago, I'd say like Summer herself I was in a state of "like" rather than "love" by the end. The two leads, Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt, have charm to spare, as does most of the movie, but I couldn't help but feel an evolving sense of stasis since going in you knew at least sort of how it was going to end.

I will say two things in its favor: It's easily the best "romantic" movie I've seen so far this year, and as far as break-up movies go, it's just miles and miles and miles better than that turd of a flick "The Break-Up," starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Man, did that stink. As for "500 Days of Summer," I'd say if it's playing anywhere near you, take a chance on it for a fun summer diversion.

And as for Universal's apparent plans to remake Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical, which was already made into a wacky little flick by Norman Jewison, I'd say it could certainly work and will make a ton of money, and Webb can certainly do it. Myself I'd call marginally interested at best. I am, however, always interested in "She & Him" by Deschanel and M. Ward, which I'm listening to right now. Priceless.

Now to what for fans of good, smart, funny sci-fi can only be great news. I had a sneaking feeling that the news Twentieth Century Fox was recasting for the upcoming new episodes of "Futurama" on Comedy Central was just a negotiating ploy.

The main thing "Futurama" has going for it, beyond the fact that it's just thoroughly entertaining, is that it has a devoted fan base of folks like me. Going to the trouble of making new episodes after you've alienated everyone by firing the entire cast would really defeat the entire purpose of bringing it back.

Thankfully, it's not to be. It seems all the main cast members - Billy West, Katey Segal, John DiMaggio, Maurice LaMarche and Tress MacNeille - have all now signed for the new season of 26 episodes at a little less than they wanted but more than the studio was initially offering before breaking things off. So now I'm certainly in when this finally comes back in mid-2010 or so.

And in one other really good bit of TV news, it seems I will indeed be holding onto my HBO for a bit longer after this season of "True Blood," because the "Seinfeld" reunion of sorts on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is turning into more than a minor affair.

I assumed they - Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander and Michael Richards - would only agree to it for one episode, but apparently I'm wrong (yes, I'm used to it by now.) When the show returns in September (I think), the "Seinfeld" angle will be a "major arc," with all the cast members appearing in at least five episodes, according to HBO. Rather than an actual "Seinfeld" reunion, Larry David says it will instead be more about why that would be such a bad idea in his mind and what everyone's been up to in the last 11 years (wow, really?) In the case of Richards, at least, that should be pretty fascinating.

OK, now on to the trailers. The first, which I think actually came out yesterday and was pointed out to me by Movie Mom Nell Minow, is the first trailer for Wes Anderson's "The Fantastic Mr. Fox," and I have to say it looks at least as good as I could have hoped. If you're gonna tell a classic children's tale, I'd much rather watch it in this appealing stop-motion style rather than with even-more-souped-up 3-D gadgetry. Enjoy, and stick around for one that gets me even more giddy.



Finally, as far as I know, this is the first trailer for Hayao Miyazaki's "Ponyo" that contains a lot of the Western voice-over, and though as usual the dubbing doesn't match up at all with the moving mouths, it still looks amazing. Seeing Ponyo turn from goldfish into little girl is just great, so here's hoping this really does open "NATIONWIDE" as Disney has promised on Aug. 14. And if you'll excuse me now, I'm off to see Judd Apatow's "Funny People" and hoping I'll like it a lot more than some of the critics have. Peace out.

When bad movies happen to good people

This may seem like an odd choice for a list, but it came to me as I surveyed the rather depressing slate of new releases this weekend in wide-release world.

Though I can finally, and will, go see "There Will Be Blood" again, the other choices just do nothing but make me cringe, which in two cases is a real shame because the flicks star two people who I really like.

Paul Rudd almost managed to walk away with "Knocked Up" even though he was surrounded by a slew of very funny people, but I just don't think there's any way I'll be able to watch him sleepwalk through "Over My Dead Body" this weekend. Likewise, Steve Zahn's performance as Glenn Michaels in "Out of Sight" stands up as one of my favorites, but is there really anything that can be good about "Strange Wilderness," which, as far as I can tell, appears to be a stoner comedy about Bigfoot?

This dose of the January movie blues got me to thinking about actors and actresses I usually like and their most regrettable (in my eyes, at least) movie roles. Here goes:

Billy Bob Thornton
Just how bad was Billy Bob in "School for Scoundrels"? I think the answer can be summed up thusly: Even worse than Jon Heder, who has been basically playing an increasingly lame version of "Napoleon Dynamite" since that extremely likable flick thrust him upon the world. There's just not one good thing I can say about this thoroughly unnecessary Todd Phillips remake, so please don't rent it for any reason whatsoever.

Kirsten Dunst
It feels a little rotten to pick on Ms. Dunst so severely, but a look through her movie resume turned up three movie I just can't stand, even though I still do like her most of the times she turns up in movies. The big three: "Spider-Man 3," in which she looked just as miserable as everyone else in Sam Raimi's disaster; "Marie Antoinette," which was just one of the most empty movies I've seen in many, many years, and "Elizabethtown." In regards to the latter, I have just one question: How in the world could you (the formerly great Cameron Crowe) manage to make a movie in which Kirsten Dunst flirts on the phone whilst taking a bath, and still manage to have it just suck from start to finish?

Tim Roth and Naomi Watts
OK, I haven't seen "Funny Games," Michael Haneke's English-language remake of his own movie, yet, but I've seen the rather wretched trailer so many times now that it feels like I've seen the flick at least twice. I'll never bother to see the real thing, so if you do and there's some redeeming value here that I'm just missing please let me know.

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston
Did anyone enjoy "The Break-Up"? When it comes to romantic "comedies" I usually have little time for flicks that delight the masses, but here's one case where just about everyone I know just hated watching Vince and Jen yell at each other for 90 minutes. Just an amazingly bad movie.

Paul Giamatti
OK, we're getting into a stretch here of people who it really pains me to include on this list, but when you appear in a movie as bad as "Lady in the Water" I really can't give you a pass. Granted, Mr. Giamatti did work very hard to try and save this, but M. Night's "fairy tale" just had very little wonder to it at all and was, frankly, just a tremendous bore.

Samuel L. Jackson
I decided to give both Sam the man and Christina Ricci a pass for "Black Snake Moan" because, as much as I just detested that Craig Brewer movie, I'm willing to concede that maybe I just didn't get it. With "Freedomland," however, I can state unequivocally that Mr. Jackson just made a horrendous choice. Richard Price has written some fairly great books, but this flick which also starred Julianne Moore just had no business ever getting made.

Catherine Keener
I love Catherine Keener more than just about any actress (except for maybe Laura Linney) in the entire world, but Nicole Holofcener's "Friends With Money" just made me want to claw my own eyes out to make it stop. The duo have made two much better movies in "Lovely & Amazing" and "Walking and Talking," and they're set to collaborate again soon on something that's still just called an "untitled Nicole Holofcener project," so there's plenty of great stuff coming and already here to help wipe this blight from my memory.

Audrey Tautou
I made a pledge to myself to never watch "The Da Vinci Code" which I unfortunately broke once the movie came out on DVD. I really have to learn to trust my instincts a lot more, because although the movie as a whole was one big stinker, watching Amelie just mope her way through it made it all the more painful to watch.

And there you have it. Two that didn't make the cut simply because I still have to end this at some point and go to my paying job were Penelope Cruz in "Vanilla Sky" and Owen Wilson in "The Darjeeling Limited." Please feel free to add any movies that have just made stars you like look really bad, and let me know if there's any reason at all to go see either "Over Her Dead Body" or "Strange Wilderness" this weekend. Peace out.