What - if anything - to watch this weekend?

Actually, the best thing I could find out there this morning is that Lauren Graham is returning to primetime TV in something that's at least called a "comedy," part of ABC's big buy back into the sitcom game.

Graham, a k a Lorelai Gilmore the elder, will play a female talk show host who urges her viewers to just "Let It Go," but finds she can't follow her own advice after being dumped by her boyfriend. Sounds like a big ball of meh, but I was a big enough "Gilmore Girls" fan that I'll give it at least few episodes next fall.

But here today it's all about the movie weekend, which doesn't look great, but for a January weekend in Hollywood's silly season it certainly could be a lot worse. Is there really anything new out there worth watching this weekend (at least in wide-release world, which my little corner of the world is part of)? Here, in order of how much I want to see them, is the breakdown, and if you've seen any of these and want to offer a word of warning, please feel free to do so.

1. "Taken"
I saw Pierre Morel's "District B13" a few months ago on DVD, and it was pretty sensational. Morel's futuristic vision of Paris was a trip, and stuntman-turned-actor Cyril Raffaeli had the chops to keep up with the simply frenetic action. It shows the full potential of the new French action wave, but I can't shake the feeling that "Taken" will be - at best - a pale knockoff.

For one thing, rather than looking forward, Morel's new flick actually came out a year ago in France and - according to The New Yorker, at least - employs tired torture sequences that we've seen far too many times before. Even so, I'm willing to give it a chance because Liam Neeson (as a retired CIA agent, of course) is just cool and it will hopefully be a fun ride, not just yet another movie about all the evil things that happen when Americans venture overseas (I haven't been to Paris in years, but I'm fairly certain it really isn't all that dangerous a place.) Here's the trailer.



2. "The Uninvited"
I'm fairly certain I haven't seen any horror movies that are remakes of Asian flicks since "The Ring," but with Elizabeth Banks and David Strathairn somehow in this one I just might give it a chance. I actually have seen Kim Jee-woon's original South Korean flick, "A Tale of Two Sisters," and that one is as simply bizarre as it is creepy.

I can't imagine this version helmed by first-time feature directors and brothers Thomas and Charles Guard will be anywhere near as good, but I think I just might find out as a pre-Super Bowl matinee. Enjoy the trailer.



3. "New in Town"
Just when I think my rather extreme dislike of Renee Zellweger is unfair, she once again turns up in something like this, which just looks like the most familiar, fish-out-of-water tripe. And frankly, I've been to Minnesota several times now, and while I will concede some of those folks do talk kinda funny, so do a lot of the people down here in my adopted home of Macon, GA. Is that really enough to make the basis of a feature film? Apparently so, but not enough to make me watch it. Here's the trailer.



So there you have it. I could also, I suppose, get caught up on the prestige pics by seeing either "Revolutionary Road" or "The Reader," but after sitting through (and almost completely enjoying) Jonathan Demme's thoroughly dysfunctional "Rachel Getting Married," I think I'm just in the mood for some entertainment for the masses. Have a perfectly pleasant weekend, and as I said, if you've seen any of these and want to share your opinion, please don't hesitate to do so.

Kevin Smith, the art of raunch, and the problem with PG-13

The saddest news out there today is that after abusing Mike Judge's wryly funny "King of the Hill" for 13 years now, Fox has finally pulled the plug, effective at the end of this season. After the way it's been treated with the often nonexistent post-pro football slot, you could really probably call this a mercy killing. Besides, 13 years is a pretty darn good run.

And Mike Judge will be OK, with a feature film, "Extract," hopefully soon to come out in more than Austin and L.A. before hitting DVD. Starring Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Kristen Wiig, Clifton Collins Jr., Mila Kunis and (huzzah!) J.K. Simmons, all I really know about it is that Bateman plays the owner of a flower extract factory. Mr. Judge will also be returning to animated TV comedy with something called "The Goode Family" coming soon to ABC.

But all that's not the order of the day around here. In honor of Kevin Smith, who I still have loads of time for when he's not simply rehashing his own movies, it's all about R-rated comedies in which the R is squarely for raunch. And before you say that's too harsh, look at his last three movies: "Clerks II", "Jersey Girl" and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." Though both of the sequels-of-sorts were funny enough, he's definitely in need of a new crowd, which he has now with Seth Rogen and the utterly charming Elizabeth Banks (more on her later) for "Zack and Miri Make a Porno."

It's sad that Smith squandered the opportunity he had such a big hand in creating with the current wave of R-rated comedies that throw in just enough heart to make the crude go down as almost sweet. My brother thinks Kevin Smith is just, using language Mr. Smith would surely appreciate, "a tool", but I'll definitely turn out for his new one this weekend (even if I will probably be shamed enough to ask the inevitably teen clerk simply for a ticket to "Zack and Miri," as unable to bring myself to use the taboo word "Porno" as the network TV ads are.)

My main point in this admittedly rather disjointed diatribe, however, is that the PG-13 rating - a shameful ruse for many reasons - has watered down the art of true raunch to the point that it just becomes silly juvenilia (though I admittedly often have a stomach for that too.) Here's a test in the form of my 10 favorite raunchy movies, in no particular order. Can you pick out the only one that's not rated R?

Animal House
Clerks
Bad Santa
Superbad
Super Troopers
Airplane
South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
Blazing Saddles
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

And the answer? I thought for a second it might be "Superbad," but Jonah Hill's tirade about the "Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest" among many other gems made that one thankfully too rude for PG-13. The answer is "Airplane," which I haven't seen for a while, but I guess must be fairly tame by today's standards.

"Airplane" earned a PG rating four years before the PG-13 rating was created, on July 1, 1984 - a truly dark day in my book.Why? Well, you'll find I'm more than a little conflicted about it, but I think both sides I cling to are right, so bear with me.

My main beef with PG-13 is that it's so arbitrary. It was created, according to Wikipedia, in response to the violence in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" and "Gremlins" (really? WTF?!?!) Since then, however, it has clearly become a toilet for really gross "horror" movies and teen "comedies" that test the limits of taste without taking any time to think about such trivialities as much of a plot.

At the same time, however (remember, I said I'm very inconsistent on this), PG-13 movies too often just don't go far enough. I still find that woman in "Clerks" dryly explaining that she "manually masturbates caged animals for artificial insemination" for a living and the perpetually 8-year-old Stan looking for the clitoris in "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" to be extremely funny, and I hope I always will.

I suppose that's just the built-in problem with the middle ground: It may be the best way forward, but it will always leave increasingly both grumpy and old men like me complaining. The bottom line is, even if "High School Musical 3: Senior Year" will probably top the box office yet again, I'm glad Kevin Smith is back with a lot of raunch, a little smarts and a little more heart, and I hope a lot of people turn out for "Zack and Miri Make a Porno."

And I'll close with a bit more about Elizabeth Banks, easily my favorite comic actress working today (though Anna Faris is rising in the ranks too). She was rather severely underused in "W.", but you're about to see a lot of her: This week in Smith's flick, next week in the extremely silly but hopefully fun (and yes, R-rated) "Role Models" with Paul Rudd, and early next year in the horror movie "The Uninvited" with David Strathairn and Emily Browning (Violet in "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events).

I don't turn out for horror movies much any more (the last one I saw and kind of enjoyed was J.A. Bayona's "The Orphanage), but with that cast I'll give this one a chance. Here's the trailer, which does indeed make it look like it might be a cut above the gore-over-suspense fare that passes for most "horror" flicks nowadays. Enjoy, and have a perfectly pleasant weekend.