Monkey business and other things I couldn't possibly make up

On my recent visit to South Africa, I encountered many signs in the Kruger National Park warning about a "monkey problem."

Every rest camp for humanoids had advisories about not feeding the baboons (a thought which, I must say, never would have crossed my mind.) They can apparently be quite vicious creatures when provoked (as we can all be, I suppose.)

I always knew, however, that most monkeys, including the cute little fellow I managed to shoot a picture of at left, were at heart noble creatures, and now I've got the proof.

According to PETA, so definitely to be devoured with a huge grain of salt, one poor chimp on the set of the Wachowski Bros. "Speed Racer," reportedly subjected to beatings and other abuse, finally snapped and bit one of the younger cast members. While I wish this youth nothing but great health, I can only say bite on, monkey.

"We are in receipt of information that may upset you," PETA wrote to the producer Joel Silver, the man behind such megahits as the "Matrix" and "Die Hard" series. "We've received several troubling complaints from people who have been on the 'Speed Racer' set and report that the main chimpanzee 'actor' has been beaten and has bitten one of the human actors."

So, not content with simply creating what has the makings of possibly the worst movie ever made, the Wachowskis feel the need to torture a few animals along the way. Sheesh.

Now, like I said, I simply adore monkeys, but if that's what it takes to stop this abomination, I'd be willing to contribute to the funding of an army of monkeys, winged or not, to wreak havoc on the set until they just have to shut it down.

May the force be with her, I guess

Though it would be easy to mock this rather enterprising young lady, I just can't bring myself to do it. If I was able to bring this much fun into what I do at work every day, it sure would be a lot more enjoyable.

It seems that a burlesque performer who simply goes by the name Kitty has taken to performing her act in a version of the metal bikini worn by Princess Leia when she was a slave. Please take a second to ponder that and take in this picture of her, printed here, of course, simply as a public service.

Now, as someone who used to work in a "gentleman's club" (not as a dancer, of course, but as a blackjack dealer in the mini-casino in the back - if there's a seedier job to have for a short while, I guess it would have to pimp), I can attest that the women rarely have as much fun as she seems to be having. And, just in case you still think I'm making all this up, here's a quote from an interview with her you can read here:

"I'm a Texan, born and raised. I have been a film and stage actress for many years and I recently joined a burlesque dance group, The Lollie Bombs. I'm extremely busy these days acting, dancing and also teaching theatre to kids. I also play the piano and I'm a passionate vegetarian. I have been a Star Wars fan all my life. Star Wars is not just a movie to me, it is a beautiful saga built on ancient myths and stories. I like that it is not just entertainment, it has meaning."

Fair enough, I guess. And, just in case you've ever wanted to dress like Jabba the Hutt's slave (and why you might want to do that is certainly none of my business), you can buy your very own metal bikini at the link above too.

Fun with pictures

Though it turned into a routine long ago, I still thoroughly enjoy the hour or so each day I spend trolling the Web for movie tidbits, especially when it turns up stuff as cool as this.

First, courtesy of the simply fantastic Froggy film site Cinempire.com, come a slew of photos from the upcoming "Golden Compass" flick. These folks do a lot of great things, but the best might just be that they take the entire disc of almost every movie promo they get and simply post all the photos on the Web for the world to enjoy. Here's a great shot of Sam Neill, and to see many more simply click here and enjoy.


Next up, courtesy of MTV.com, obviously, is the first shot I've ever seen from Spike Jonze's upcoming take on "Where the Wild Things Are." I normally get a sense of impending doom when a director takes on one of my favorite childhood books, but I'm fairly confident Mr. Jonze knows what he's doing here and will turn out something simply magical.


And, finally, there's this photoshopped image of what Joe Carnahan is doing with James Ellroy's "White Jazz." The photo, his vision of Hollywood and Vine, is from his almost always very entertaining blog. If you click and read it here, you can see this photo in a ridiculously high resolution, and perhaps even spy none other than George Clooney behind the wheel of the center car. And now, I simply have to stop this and go to work. Peace out.