Ron Howard must be stopped

On the same day that Opus Dei announced it is preparing its own answer to "The Da Vinci Code" comes a sure sign that Ron Howard has finally lost the rest of his mind.

Imagine Entertainment has acquired the rights to Michael Haneke's satisfying thriller "Cache," and Howard is set to direct.

For anyone who missed the original, it stars the great Daniel Auteil and Juliette Binoche as a couple whose lives come unraveled after Auteil's character starts receiving a series of increasingly violent videos.

In two rather predictable developments, Variety said the remake will be set in the U.S. and will be expected to "amp up the suspense and consequences."

So, what's wrong with all this? Surely Mel Gibson, Tom Hanks or any other actor from the Howard stable can play the lead in this, right? Well, the problem is that Haneke's movie carries a subtext that gives it all of its punch.

I don't want to give too much away, but as the source of the videos comes into focus, Haneke touches on the treatment of Algerians in the 60s and other issues, and doesn't offer any kind of ending that wraps everything up cleanly. If you haven't seen it, and I definitely recommend you do, make sure you stick around for the closing shot. It's a stunner, and if Howard even tries to recreate it I may just order the hit on him myself.

Haneke, who is Austrian, made a first-rate French psychological thriller, a genre which has been rejuvenated in the past few years. Two others I would recommend renting are Francois Ozon's "Swimming Pool" and Dominik Moll's "With a Friend Like Harry."

All three of these directors have more style and skill than Opie. If any of you have the power to somehow stop this remake madness and save the rest of us, please do so now.

DVD pick of the week

In a way it's depressing that the sounds of rage when I was coming of age are now the source material for retrospective documentaries, but as long as they keep turning into great movies, I won't complain.

Just last year there was "We Jam Econo," the saga of the incomparable Minute Men, and now on DVD this week comes the much more ambitious "American Hardcore."

The movie traces the hardcore movement from its roots to its downfall in the face of hair metal. Overall it could certainly use more music, considering that's the subject, but it does offer a nice kick in the head with appearances from Ian MacKaye, Greg Ginn, H.R. and many other purveyors of this angry art. Check it out.