Ziyi Zhang and the Weinsteins

I never thought there would be bad news about Ziyi Zhang, but I guess everyone has bills to pay.

It turns out that while she was judging movies at Cannes, she was also in talks with the Weinsteins, and has now signed a three-picture deal with them at their new company.

Good for her, and hopefully good for us, but for someone who says she wants to uphold the integrity of Asian cinema, this is a curious move at best. In their days at Miramax, the Weinsteins seemed to almost be at war with genuine martial arts movies, grabbing up whatever they could get their hands on and mangling them for a quick U.S. release. Now, with the help of Ziyi, their about to commit an act of grand larceny.

Before I get to the big bad news, and in case there's anyone out there who doesn't know this already, Ziyi Zhang is CHINESE!! Just as this meant nothing to the makers of "Memoirs of a Geisha," it apparently means even less to the Weinsteins, who have signed her to star in a remake of (shudder!) Akira Kurosawa's "The Seven Samurai."

I feel dirty just writing that, but remember, I'm just the messenger (or, to be accurate, the Hollywood Reporter is.) This is awful news all around.

Just as they are apparently unaware that Ziyi is Chinese, the Weinsteins also don't know that, for several years now, she has been a very beautiful WOMAN! Before shooting begins on "Samurai," in which Ziyi will play the peasant girl who hides from the bandits by donning boy's clothes, she will star in a live-action version of "Mulan" as - you guessed it - a girl who dresses as a man to do battle for her ailing father.

At least they got her ethnicity right for this one, but without getting too crude, I'll just say that Ziyi could turn heads walking down the street in overalls and a straw hat. I love to watch her kick ass, especially in "House of Flying Daggers," but she is one of the world's sexiest women, not a little girl to be androgynized by these freaks.

Oh well, I guess it could be worse. She could be yelling at Chris Tucker and jumping out of exploding cars, but I guess that job is taken.

And there's only three days until the World Cup, so until then, I'm just gonna Keep On Smilin'.

"Pee-Wee's Playhouse"

And beginning July 10, I'm gonna be laughing too, because Pee-Wee is coming back to TV!

The Adult Swim subsidiary of Cartoon Central has nabbed all 45 episodes of "Pee-Wee's Playhouse," and will be airing them Monday through Thursday at 11 p.m. starting July 10.

In Pee-Wee's honor, I hereby declare the secret word for today to be "funny."